Anonymity

so there are many perks of being anonymous, the most important being that you will not be judged by the people you know.

will straight away get to the point of concern now. so i'm growing old, the proof being my birthday just the next day, next hour to be more precise. birthdays no more excite me, it has become a struggle to remember it and to actually feel as some special day. i have also realised that my birthday falls on a very odd day, no doubt people find it difficult to remember. recently i too have joined that set of group.
anyways the point we are here to discuss is what actually have i done till date and what do i expect myself doing in the near future.

one of the most important, thought provoking discussion which i had with my grandfather some 15years back is still fresh in my mind. the topic was what human life is worth of. every other living creature on this planet is driven by three main acts, they being - eat, sleep and reproduce. if your life revolves only around these three, you better be some other animal as you being human is of no good use to this planet.

eating and sleeping are something which comes naturally to us from the day we are born. coming to the third one - reproduction. the main aim of reproduction was to prevent their specie from extinction and carry on their existence.
 so are we facing any danger of human extinction right now? no.
are there any chances of facing that situation in near future? no.

that brings us to the point that reproduction isn't that necessary for all the humans. we can very well do with out it. being in india reproduction is directly related with marriage. according to the society norms you have to be married to reproduce and once you are married, there is no other go you 'have' to reproduce at any cost. if not your marriage will be termed as a failed one. the advantage of being in india is that the female will be the first and most of the times the only person to be blamed for having no children. you can never question a man's fertility, ability etc etc on this land.
the above discussion is more of a generalized one.

now coming to me. do i actually want to get married?
when i am too high with positive emotions its a 'yes'.
when i get full negative vibes its a 'no'.
and when i think with a stable mind without getting emotional and being in full senses the answer is a big 'no'.
i can live without a marriage. it isn't something like oxygen which is must for my survival.
i haven't come to this decision because i never liked anybody or the other way round. i have met very wonderful people in my life. who i really adore and feel fortunate enough to have met them in my lifetime.
its just that everything feels temporary. the starting days are full dreamy, ecstatic, full of energy and what not.
but later on it becomes a struggle which you have to face each and everyday. sucking out happiness from yours and the opposite person's life. love can make things easier but what if you lack it? you may or may not get the choice of marrying someone you love. lucky enough if you marry the love of your life there is no guarantee that your love will only help you to improve. if it starts to hinder your growth and becomes a danger to your personal space then you will no longer want to be in such relation.
so getting married should not be a decision you make just because you have come of age. its the most important turning point of your life. it should be dealt with utmost seriousness and care. hasty decisions may make you repent your entire life.

and the latest additions to the things i want to do in my life is.
i don't want to have children. ( in case if i ever get married and no indian woman will let me marry her son if i happen to disclose my decision )
earlier i thought that when from the past 16yrs, 5-7 days every month when i have to go through physical and emotional turmoil only to prepare me for this specific job, if i don't accomplish it all my struggle will go vain.
but that does'nt bother me anymore. its ok if i don't eat the final fruit after planting a tree.
there are already many children on this planet who need love and affection. and i don't want to limit myself from sharing it with just 2 or 3 kids.
don't get into a idea that i'm trying to be the next mother teresa, actually i'm being selfish here.
having children makes you a lot more selfish, selfless, possessive and we very well know what a mother(from any part of the world) can endure for the sake of her children. so i just want to save myself from such high and deep emotions, even if it means that i lead an incomplete life, having not experienced all the relations.
well this way i will be able to share my love with many, though that may not be a real deep love but that will do for me. there will be no constraints or strings attached to me. i will not have to fear about the impact my decisions will have on other lives.

the other important outcome of the above two decisions will be that i will not have to leave my home, my parents home to be specific. i can be there for them as long as i can. i will not have the guilt of ignoring my responsibilities of being the elder child.

well thats the plan for now. don't actually know how far i will be able to carry that.convincing my parents for this will be a major task but just wish everything turns out good..
just a few wishes. may sound insane, but can't actually help. it may seem as if i am day dreaming but as there is no tax leveid on dreams, we have the freedom of having as many number of dreams as we wish to have. my attempt isn't of standing out from the rest or to prove that i am unique. i am just trying to be little practical and logical. true enough for the tagline 'mind over matter'.

so here's wishing good luck to me and happy birthday too ;)

cheers!! :)

love actually is..

You can love someone cause they make you a better person 

or

You can love someone who treasures the type of person you right now are.

You can love someone for giving you immense freedom to grow 

or

You can love someone who behaves just like a kid to have you all by themself.

You can love someone for giving you your own space 

or

You can love someone who no longer has anything personal, you make up their each and everything.

You can love someone for knowing your potential and pushing you to achieve it 

or

You can love someone who knows your potential but doesnt want to push it harder on you.

You can love someone who isnt bothered about any of your silly trivial matters 

or

You can love someone who shows the same interest in any of your  senseless matters as in anything important.

You can love someone for not giving much importance to how you look 

or 

You can love someone who wants you to look your best everday.

You can love someone for being bold enough to share their feelings with you

or

You can love someone for the nervousness and self doubt they have about being worthy enough for you.

You can love someone for making you a strong person to take on the world

or

You can love someone who makes you go weak in your knees.

You can love someone for giving you a bright future

or

You can love someone who lightens up your present.

You can love someone who has seen more of the world than you and is your best guide

or

You can love someone who hasn't seen life as closely as you and help them appreciate it

You can love someone who isn't bothered about the distance between you two
or
You can love someone who is far away but never makes you realise about the distance that actualy is present.

You can love someone who isnt good at expressing themself
or
You can love someone who is very dramatic, making things appear as they are right out of some movie.

You can love someone who makes you a matured and sensible person
or
You can love someone who again turns you into a hopless romantic teenager.

You can love someone who gives importance to the quality than the quantity of time spent with you
or
You can love someone who stays up all night to hear all your nonsense chatter.

You can love someone who makes you a important part of their life
or
You can love someone who makes you their life.

Which love will you chose among them?
Are you really worthy of any of them?

The right choice will be
to love yourself more and do what makes you happy.
People love you for their own selfish reasons
Don' t get trapped!
Liberate yourself.

Cheers!!

Damaged soul

Young sweet bubbly soul it was
Full of life and zeal
Just few years old on this planet
Slowly learning the ways of living
Finally time came to face the outside world
With no one to look over
That's the way you grow up

Days passed and it got adjusted to the norms
Making new relations, sharing laughter
Unaware of the evil souls looming around
At times you are too young to know what's good and bad
If it is your fault or some one else's
First blow to its poor soul
Which left it shaken and damaged
But time is tricky.. it heals everything by fading your memory

You get used to the ways of living without any effort
And it just went with the flow
Again unaware of different forms in which darkness can enter
Which will rip apart its soul, again, again and again
And though time is tricky, few wounds cannot be healed even with time.
They loom over you and your damaged soul
Everything seems mere a joke
Only soltitude offers you solace

But emotions, they run high and wild
Taking you to the paths which you decided never to take
Love heals, none can deny
Yet few wounds remain so sour even love fails
You just wait and try to make sense with what is left

But old memories are like uninvited guests
Which frequently knock your door
Pushing you back in the valley of sorrow
Giving you new bruises on their each visit
Stomping and pounding all the little hopes you braved to build
Your past forms a veil against the beautiful future you wish to see
You prefer no company in this journey now
Cutting down chances of any new thrashes

All your precautions go in vain, and someone does manage to enter your forbidden zone
And for a moment, you live in a dream
But soon reality hits and you fall on your face, hitting hard

Again try building a new fence around self
Making sure this time no amount of any emotion can break in
Nothing lasts forever..no love, no hatred, no emotion
Walked in alone, will make a similar exit
There's lot to learn , lot to do

Love can heal, we very well know
but we got used to being damaged souls

LOVE vs LIKE

so they say we fall in love, making it clear it is unintentional as no one falls willingly.

love just happens, may be with a person, a book, a place or a subject you study. you don't actually have reasons for loving something. if you have reasons for it then usually its not a true one.

where as you start liking something after getting to know completely about it. you weigh its pros and cons, which ultimately results in 'liking' it. you have your reasons for liking something.

so the question which arises now is, if you spend much of your time with something you like will you start loving it? and will that love be strong enough, that you stick to it until your last breath?

or even after giving your life years for something you like, you still want to get back to the thing you love. even if you stay apart for any amount of time will your love never die and stay the same?

tricky questions, will get the answers in due time.

its love vs like and the war is on!!