Romanticism

Romanticism

I romanticized death
I did
Long before I knew what real life is

Falling off from the cliff
If not just my house stairs
Appeared hidden spots of bliss

But what if I didn't die?
And it left me only paralysed
Forced me to look out for other means

Anxiety, depression, obsession
Were too much, for this single life
But carried along anyhow

Stopped living for self
Did everything I could for others
As me being happy, was a distant dream

And finally love happened
It took me through its highs and lows
I could see a faint light at the end of this gloomy tunnel

Love was my life
Everything I was, everything I needed
Everything I wished for..

Nevertheless, realisation hit me late
Love was indeed, nothing but
The greatest form of self destruction I chose

Everything I did were too much for it to take
I was termed over emotional, over dependant
For feeling things till my core

This love had more ego, less compassion
Was trying to make me strong, by forever pointing at​ my flaws
How that made any sense, I still don't reckon

It took all credits of my viability
Stating before it came along
I was better dead, than alive

Love ameliorated my breaths, just like the air
I don't deny
But it can't usher out my identity

Love helped me, no doubt
But it was me
Who gathered the strength each day,
to keep things going along

When love was chasing life's other dreams
I consoled and pumped myself up
And refused​ to give love the entire credit

And bid goodbye to this mercenary love
Embraced self love
A love which was more proud, than disgraced by me

I haven't started romanticizing death again
As I have started living for myself
And not others

Still I do wish to jump off​ that cliff
Only for my wings to take me on a flight
And soar high in the serene blue sky