Poetry

Is poetry a relief?
I know not.
It's just flow of words
Most often from a broken heart
Blabber, mumble
Cluster of words which make no sense,
When spoken out.
But on paper
There's something magnetic
A dump from one heart
Attracting so many other
Words which try to describe
The hurricane of emotions
Storm of feelings within
Felt for someone,
once called your own.

Scribbled when you are going insane
This uproar too loud,
Heavy to withhold
So you pour out
In verses or in a random maze
Which reach another heart
Miles away from yours
Who's looking for a validation
For the tornado passing through
Getting themselves drowned
In this sour drizzle of tears
These words, half baked most of 'em
Provide a solace,
Rare comfort.

So yeah
Poetry does provide a relief
To the broken hearts
Who are struggling through each day
To keep their treasure,
Of left over emotions safe.

Okay?

I want to lie next to you,

And do nothing

Is that okay?

I want to stare at the night sky,

Without moving an inch

Is that okay?

I want to speak to you all the time,

Only with eyes, not words

Is that okay?

I want you to listen to me,

Even when nothing of it makes sense

Is that okay?

I want to hold that arm of yours

And never let go

Is it okay?

I want you to pamper me at times,

Spoil me as I have never been before

Is that okay?

I want you to ask me if I'm really fine,

Even when I deny it for many odd number of times

Is that okay?

I want you to make a day of travel,

To give me hour of your company

Is that okay?

I want you to ask me to stay for some time more,

Even after my curfew hours

Is that okay?

I want your hugs, the tight, the bear ones,

And nothing else

Is that okay?

I want you to give me your now,

Not your forever

Is that okay?

I want to listen more of your miss yous

Than your love yous

Is that okay?

I want your crooked smile,

Even if you get conscious of your teeth

Is that okay?

I want you to stay yourself,

Not freak out when you meet me in a crowd

Is that okay?

I want all the chicken nuggets,

You can order something else

Is that okay?

I want you to be the smart one amongst us,

But don't give up your random goof ups

Is that okay?

I want you to accept any change that comes your way,

And a promise that you'll not leave me halfway

Is that okay?

Thing about forevers..

Life is something which can't be postponed to the future.
Nor can it be treated as a thing of past.
It's the present.
This very moment.
Don't let it slip from under your nose.
Grasp it.
Not too hard, you'll be the one suffocated.
Have a grip enough,
To lead it the way you can.
With whatever skill you are capable of.
And your days here are counted
No one gets a forever
Make the best out of everything you can.

This time too..

I look at your picture
Umpteenth time
To get it registered
In my brain, my conscious
That the smile on your face
Isn't fake, not a show up
But a true one
Extending uptil your eyes
The hand you hold
You'll not let go
Come what may
Through heaven and hell
You have a mate
To sail through along your fate
Your radiance is contagious
I can't help but smile
Happiness spreading through my insides
Only to surface the pain
That's been hiding in disguise
The girl in that picture
Looks like an angel
With a clear soul, fragile heart
Handle it with care
Don't let it shatter like mine
I wish you both the best
Let not me be the reason of your cry
And as for me
I have seen too many phases
Of hardships and comfort alike

So I know
This time too
I will survive...

Exquisite pain.

It's taking that puff of smoke
Into your black charred lungs

That glass overflowing with alcohol
Making its way to your failed liver

Staring at the Sun with your naked eyes
On the day of an eclipse

Crossing blindfolded
The highway connecting the busiest cities

The days you realise the life in you is slowly dying
Yet you crave to live one more second of it

To experience this exquisite pain
Which kills you, making you aware you are still alive.

Soul of the mortal

And they play a safe game
From the comforts of their heart
Scared of the damage
And the catastrophe the love will bring along

Should I pity or feel sorry for
As love my friend, isn't something you plan
Put on an armour
Strategize and design
Avoid any kind of defeat
Get into the battlefield only if you are sure of a win

It's more like playing with the fire
Knowing very well it could burn you
But you need that warmth to keep you alive
Turning down to ashes doesn't scare you
As much as staying cold does.

It's jumping off that cliff
Hoping for your imaginary wings to span out
Take you on the best flight of your life
The fall doesn't scare you
As you'd risk anything for the height you reached.

It's getting drowned in the sea of emotions
Forgetting all the lessons of swimming you excelled
Where your lungs crave more for this salty liquid
Than the air full of oxygen, sans love
As love my friend, isn't something' you can experience sitting at the shore

It ain't about the guarantee or assurances
Of always staying by your side
Through illness and health
It's about your dumb brain
That can think of no other way of existing
Without love being soul of this mortal living

Strip down

Baring your naked skin is easy
You just have to drop down your clothes
Even if you are in the mood or no
In time you can get into the groove
Else wrap it up in few hasty seconds

Getting your intentions naked
Stripping layers off your soul
Is totally a varied biz
It can't be thrusted upon
By any force
For any damn reason

Everyone knows what lies
beneath those woven threads.
But the thoughts under this bony cage
Are hard to decipher, even by self.

Cause this random mumbling
Of your brain
The insane madening emotions
Contained in your heart
Are too good at playing
Hide and seek

The skin show pleases the flickering psyche
Not the cold dark dungeons of my heart
Which await to be illuminated
By your blazing soul

Due

Missing someone you love,
Is heartbreaking
Soul wrenching
Breath taking
Nerve wrecking

But you struck that deal,
Didn't you?
When you gave your heart unto love?
To use it the way they want..

To love it back
Or break it into million thousand pieces
To take care of it
Or to leave it to rot

But there's a weird comfort in this pain

If the person you miss are one of a kind,
Who love you the same
Then cherish every ounce of this pain
You got lucky, they owning your heart.

And wear this pain as a smile
Cause when you two finally meet
When this distance no longer exists
Make sure you get your due
For all the pain you beared
In the most sweetest possible way..

Bumpy ride

😎🤘

don't

I don't regret loving you

I shouldn't

but I did

may be I will continue

at times, 

when I have none to blame

but self

when no one's around

to feel that I'm human,

so to err is being me

that moment, 

when I'm all by myself,

none to comfort

I will blame you

for the way things turned out

blaming you for not loving enough

for letting me go,

without any tinge of pain

nor hint of discomfort.

I will blame you for being heartless

for thinking of only self

I will blame you,

for things we did together

for each and every moment

where we shed tears of joy

and of pain 

in each other's embrace

I will blame you 

for every memory I have of you

I'll blame you for loving me

for encountering me in this life

I will blame you 

for everything 

and anything I can imagine about

but the pain 

of the hurt you gave, 

still stays the same

I still keep a hold on that love,

which no longer exists

I'll regret meeting you

knowing well 

most of me today, 

is the result of the bond we shared

knowing you will

occupy a space in my heart 

until my last breath

I can't substitute that,

nor replace

with anyone or anything.

but for my heart to go on

for me to still count my breaths

I'll regret loving you

on days when it's too much 

for me to bear this pain alone

blaming you will lessen the load..

Disco

Do I need the disco lights
Of different colours
To let my hair loose,
for them to go any direction they choose

Do I need a sound system
For the music to play
To sway my body,
to the rhythm of my soul

Do I need a crazy crowd
None of them who I know
To share my high,
what's it like to feel alive

Will I be an eccentric
If I happen do all of this..
In my cozy room
With the playlist on my phone
In my own company
And enjoying every bit of it..

I don't really care!!

Reasoned love ( may be )

May be our love wasn't enough
To keep us together any long
May be I loved you for different reasons,
Reasons diverse from yours

May be we both were again looking for new reasons
To stay in love
To keep loving
And may be love is the last emotion to be reasoned with

There's no sanity in the things the heart desires,
No explanation for the emotions it feels
And may be when we put our brain into use
For choosing a person to love
The love just fades away
Along with the significance of that reason

It was a decision, a wise one
We thought we were best for each other
As we were too lazy to keep waiting for our instincts to work
Too impatient, too clever ,
To fall in love without any reason

We both had our own excuses in reasoning love
But with or without any reason
The thing we had wasn't some play or spoof
Emotions were involved
A lot of them

Nevertheless our reasoning failed
And our reasoned love was put to an end ,
Acting on the advice of our wise old brain
Mind over matter we chose

Alas!  Our heart is stupid though
When it breaks, it breaks the same
For the love reasoned and the unreasoned
And no amount of reasoning ever comforts a broken heart..

Long distance

I don't want to sulk because you are not with me but with your friends right now.

In some party, some restaurant.

Holding a glass in one hand.

With an occasional smile on your face.

And your eyes searching the place.

For any couples here and there.

A guy with his girl.

His hand over her waist.

Providing extra warmth on a chilly night.

Just maintaining the distance appropriate for the place.

His eyes looking drunk.

Drunk on love , hardly the beer.

They steal a kiss when no eyes are on them.

But you do catch that moment.

Your smile broadens .

And the pain in your chest intensifies.

Alcohol comes next to love, to get you intoxicated.

And you are missing out on that.

Another refill doesn't help.

You have to be content with it, nevertheless . :-P

Breathe..

Breathe..

That air stuck in your pipes
Take in
Remind yourself
Breathe
Even if it hurts
Hurts till your core
Till your bone..

Calamity

If you knew what goes on in my head
If you could hear my thoughts
You'll never come close
No where near
Love will be the last thing on your mind

I wasn't made to be loved, may be
Only to love
And dare not expect it in return
Love, knowing my darkness will consume all the light there is
Knowing the serene calm I bring in your life
Is nothing but the deafening silence before the storm

I'm not here for me
I'm here for what, I'm not sure
But it isn't about what I dream or what I wish
What I want, what I long

I'll leave someday
Sooner or later
Leaving nothing behind
And my dear
If you don't stop loving me now
After knowing everything
You have chosen the worst way of self destruction I must warn

I love you
And can't be the reason of all your calamities
Lovers don't do that, not willingly, If I'm not wrong
What good will my love be
If I can't sheild you from the dark things
And the darkest place being within me.

21st August

( P. S  I don't even have the track of right calendar dates . Huh )

House of Hearts

You knew everything about me.

Everything that reached my lips as words, and lot more that stayed behind in my heart, unsaid.

When they asked me what I knew of you that no one else did.

I was left blank.

I tried to look for an answer, searching through each day of every year we thought we were in love.

Silence remained...

Deafening silence.

I realised I loved a stranger, all the while.

I took you to very nook and corner of every single room of the house of my heart.
But you kept me waiting at the doorstep of yours.

Dusted up my soul, showed you the bruises which even I was afraid to see.

And here I am , left alone, dusting up and staring at the new bruises you gave me before leaving...

Prayers

God fearing child I was
Chanting my prayers, religiously
It was my habit, my routine

You​ made me an atheist
Laughed at my faith
Contradicted each thing with logic

Slowly I gave up on God
There were no more prayers
No longer any wishes

I disowned this mythical creature
And made love my everything
Your love gave me the same strength as those hymns and verses

And then one fine day you left
The ground beneath my feet crumbled
I was left Godless, Lifeless

Darkness loomed around
Insecurities encircled me all the time​, at every place
I sunk deep into​ this gloominess, bit my bit, until I could hardly breathe

My strength, my light
My lifeline, my soul
You took away effortlessly​, as you left

I had no clue, no answers
Nothing made sense
I had lost both, my love, my God

Never felt this helpless before
But
Again I clasped my hands and looked above and
Looked within as I could think of nowhere else to go

Once again, I found my Lord
Not the one of the temples, churches or mosques
This God resided deep within my heart

I prayed daily
With all my power, my will
Light slowly entered my life, and the night had to make way for the dawn

Something which used to be mechanical,
Only for materialism
Turned my life upside down

My God guided me all long
When something wrong was done to me
Even when I was unjust to any

My Lord made me selfless
Helped me to make sense
Of this life and death

I'm no more an atheist
Not religious
Just a spiritual being

Romanticism

Romanticism

I romanticized death
I did
Long before I knew what real life is

Falling off from the cliff
If not just my house stairs
Appeared hidden spots of bliss

But what if I didn't die?
And it left me only paralysed
Forced me to look out for other means

Anxiety, depression, obsession
Were too much, for this single life
But carried along anyhow

Stopped living for self
Did everything I could for others
As me being happy, was a distant dream

And finally love happened
It took me through its highs and lows
I could see a faint light at the end of this gloomy tunnel

Love was my life
Everything I was, everything I needed
Everything I wished for..

Nevertheless, realisation hit me late
Love was indeed, nothing but
The greatest form of self destruction I chose

Everything I did were too much for it to take
I was termed over emotional, over dependant
For feeling things till my core

This love had more ego, less compassion
Was trying to make me strong, by forever pointing at​ my flaws
How that made any sense, I still don't reckon

It took all credits of my viability
Stating before it came along
I was better dead, than alive

Love ameliorated my breaths, just like the air
I don't deny
But it can't usher out my identity

Love helped me, no doubt
But it was me
Who gathered the strength each day,
to keep things going along

When love was chasing life's other dreams
I consoled and pumped myself up
And refused​ to give love the entire credit

And bid goodbye to this mercenary love
Embraced self love
A love which was more proud, than disgraced by me

I haven't started romanticizing death again
As I have started living for myself
And not others

Still I do wish to jump off​ that cliff
Only for my wings to take me on a flight
And soar high in the serene blue sky

Sonder

Sonder.. such a simple word. Yet so fuckingly awesome. Just few letters and they are almost like a gist of life and living.
All our lives are uniquely common.
Millions and billions humans exist on this planet alone.
Each one with their own complexities, quirks, negatives and positives.
I mean, just the thought.
Here I'm struggling to make sense of my own being and there's this energy, fuckingly awesome energy behind the existence of these billion beings, only human beings. The count of all living ones is something beyond our level of discussion.
So as much as these religions don't make any sense to me. But science it kinds of astonishes me, awestruck types, leaves me mesmerized.
How? Where? Why? Did everything start? Why is it still running this way? How long will it be this same? What will happen when nothing of this remains​. Will we realise that we are extinct? Does nothing know of nothing?? We will carry on this discussion some other night.

So where were we? Yeah. Sonder. The realisation that everyone has their own story.
I'm the hero of my story, my movie. And for the other billions of such movies my character doesn't exist. And of the few hundreds I know, I may only be a blurred face one in the background, for a fraction of second. Of the few close ones, I may be a character artist. Where my name will be used and referred to. In one or two movies I may be the sidekick or the second lead.
So I have only one movie to myself.
Where the story revolves around me. I smile, I cry , I fight the goons, I make love, I'll have babies of my own, will age, grow old, diseased at times and finally bid good bye. Only one movie will include me from start to end. Just one of the billion rest.

But me being me, I try to avoid taking the center of stage even in this movie. I never like that spotlight on me. Give importance to other's choices, their wants before listening to myself. Give them an important role in one more movie additional to their own.
But if this movie flops, only I'll be the one to blamed. The lead actor has to take the responsibility. So I'm the lead, in this one movie. I'll have to take the praise, I'll have to take the blame.

I always wanted to be a hero, since I was a child. Save someone in need. Do right, speak good. Love. And pass on this love and multiply. But I don't think I'm being the hero of my movie, the way I always dreamed of. I'm shying away from my responsibilities most often than not.
My dailogues, my view are not often heard by my own ears, so forget about the people around me. May be I'm just more going with the flow. May be I'll remain only that blurred face in the frame. May be I'm not the hero material.

But I really want my film to do well. I didn't like few of the movies and books I read. But I couldn't do anything about it, as I wasn't the author nor the main lead.
But in this movie of mine, if we look at it, I'm the author , I'm the lead. So I can actually make changes when something I don't agree with occurs.
Well I know this is no super hero movie. But whatever it is, there's a hero. And I'm that hero. So I would surely want my movie to give a good performance, if not be a plain flop or a runaway hit.

I'm the hero. Feels good. No one has ever called me a hero, in a serious way. Most often they were playing around.
Hero. So I'm the hero of this movie. And I no more want to shy away. For this movie, just this one, let the spotlight be on my face.

I don't want the character artists to take the decisions which the hero has to take. I would never want to watch a movie like that, where the hero doesn't behave like one. I want my movie's​ hero to stand for things he thinks is right. To do only what makes sense to him. To follow his heart. To live his passion. To act when something is going wrong. To make his own decisions. To be brave to fall in love. And be lot more brave to realise his feelings and do something about it, rather than sit and wait for the time to take it's own course. I don't want him to blame the negative characters when he abstains from cultivating positivity in his life. I don't want him to cry foul without even giving the villian a fight. Winning or losing is secondary, but he has to get in the ring and deal with the problems head on. Stare right into its eyes. Even if he looses the battle or even if he dies, I'll be happy that he behaved like a true hero and didn't back out.

A hero of character, integrity and not just of strength.
A hero of understanding, compassion and not just of love.
A hero of people who I love , a hero of people who love me more.

As David Bowie sings,
'We can be heroes, forever and ever
What'd you say?'

( P. S : It's a scramble of thoughts. Well since when are thoughts in organised manner anyway. :-P )

Reflection

Hi there!
We meet again!
You remember me? Don't you?
Remember the first day we met?
Or at least the last one if you care?

Will start from the first time. Shall we?
You were so fascinated by your two little ponytails. You just couldn't stop yourself from showing off them to me.

And once you showed your bruises to me. They were deep. Yet there wasn't a drop of a tear in your eyes. You had grown up to be a strong girl.

Too many memories I have of you.
In recent times, about last year.
You had a wide smile on your face.
More of blushing. Practising your perfect smile for your latest selfie.

No this was few months back to be specific.

Yesterday when I saw you, a tear was rolling out of your eye. You were trying hard for a smile.
I didn't find any mark of hurt on your body. Neither were there any guests or friends at home.
Why the tear and the forced smile??

You have always been true to me.
Now there's something you hide. You no longer look me into my eyes.

Your eyes look weary and tired. Aren't you having a proper sleep?
Is it because of your coming up​ exams. Or is it something else that's making you stay awake all​ through the night?

Wish I had the power of the mirror of Snow White.
And I would want you to ask me who's the most beautiful girl on this land. As you wait for my reply with many apprehensions.
I will reflect back your image and show that you are the most beautiful person I had ever seen, with even more beautiful heart which I can't reflect.
You deserve to be more happy than sad. The smile on your face is something for which I can shatter myself, any number of times.

Hope next time we meet, you are in better shape.

- Your dusty mirror.

Untamed wings

Seen that plane?
That plane in the sky
Flying in the air
Defying the gravity
A marvel before your sight
Grazing through the clouds
The twinkling lights in the dark

There are many like you and me on it
Few going on to start a new story
Few coming back completing one
Few scared , few thrilled
Few bored
Few looking at you
From the small window by their side
But your​ existence is myth to them
You are invisible
The light falling on you doesn't refract back to them
You don't exist , in their world

It all appears like a lego world
A cute little Lego world
From up there
They try to search for their houses
They see nothing ,but miniscule structures
The heavy monstrous trucks​, buses
Look just like a speck on a glass
Realisation strikes
How uniquely significant and insignificant human life is..

And here from the ground ,
You just look at that marvel
Waving at it with your hand
Little wishes from your side
May make them land an inch more safe

When you are on the plane
Flying in the air
Scared of those heights
What if you fall?
What if the plan crashes?
What if a bird crosses?
You aren't sure if the plane will stay in the air
But know for a fact that the plane belongs to the land
Flying is more unnatural for humans
Let alone non living, like a plane

How wonderful the human mind is though
This same one in some other skull
Thought why only the ones with wings be in the air
Why can't some like me
Draw my own wings
Touch out those clouds and reach out for the moon
The same mind which is bored to visit the next town
Made plans to visit their neighbors on nearby planets
The one which doesn't care about the existence of the adjacent soul
Started to look out for such energy
On other lands
In other forms

And once in a while,
when I fear of those heights
Of those planes crashing by
I remind myself
The brain that fears now of a fall
Same decided to invent those
Hand made take offs..
To feel those untamed wings
Fly free..

Existence

I have been weak
Distraught, tired
Disgusted a lot
Of this life
And everything involved

But that was me unrealising my worth
Giving people, things
Circumstances, past
Undue power
Undeserved strength

But now​ I'm me
The way I want to be
I'm important to me
My likes , dislikes matter
I listen to my yes, my no
Before I lend an ear to others

I no longer look for any validation
I know of my valor
And the energy residing in me
Which I treasure,
Resolved to nurture

So when you meet me
The one I have become
Don't be astonished, surprised
And ask for the old one
As she no more exists

I write

And I write
As my pen listens to me
More than my tongue

And I write
As my thoughts on paper help me
To know myself a little better

I write
Just a play with words
Sometimes they make sense
Sometimes they don't

I write
With my little known vocabulary
How many books I have read
And how many are on my wishlist, is secondary

I write
To fill up my dairy
To empty my mind

Sometimes in blue
Sometimes in black
Sometimes straight
Sometimes slant

I write
In codes
In numbers
In fonts of my own

I write
Of love
Of heartbreak
Of things I have experienced
Of feelings which are still to be met

And I write
Till my hand can grip a pen
Till my brain can form proper sentence

And I write
Till my eyes have sight
Later my tongue has to run on my will
As my mind isn't a good home for my thoughts to be caged in..

Joke

Life is crazy
If you don't screw up
Somone else does
Your plan fails
For someone else's to work
You give your best
You get nothing
You move no inch
Everything's​ done
You are favoured at times
Only to be cheated
You prepare to face a Lion
Encounter a rat.
You think its a nemo
And it turns out to be a deadly shark
Who to blame?
What to choose?
To laugh at these absurdities
Or cry at the improbabalities
At times you can't make out
If you are the joker
Or the joke?
If life wants to put a smile on your face
Or is it just wants you, to laugh at..

Here and Now

Just another soul on this blue planet.
I'm no special
No less

I'm the mountain
I'm creek
Go anywhere
You'll find me

In the smile of that toothless boy
In the cries of the mother who lost her son
In the blush of the teenager who just received her first kiss
In the hug of the long lost friends meet

I'm the pure water you drink
I'm the filth you litter
I'm the weed that sways to the wind
I'm the worm that creeps in the burrows

I'm the beauty
I'm the beast
I'm the blurred face at the corner of the frame
I'm the film you play

I'm the dog with rabies
I'm the man with HIV
I'm that aborted baby
I'm the one in the frail body

I'm anything that breaths
Anything that bleeds
Every living that gives
Every living that receives

I'm the God you worship
I'm the Demon you are afraid of
I'm in everything new
I'm in everything old

I'm in me
I'm in you
I'm the Universe as much​ as the stars
Expressed​ this moment
At this place
As
Here and now

Touch

Do we compare even pain?
Who had worse who less?

Are we happy or less sad
That some one had better

Pain connects people
Brings them close
Because they are the one in search
Search of someone who can give them some comfort.
Validate their emotions.
That they aren't going insane.
They are perfectly fine, if not for a fucked up mind.

Does this mean most of us are unhappy??

May be yes. May be no.

Happiness doesn't connect many as does pain.

May be the happy people are living the life we dream of in our poems and quotes.

They are busy with the company they have.
They have nothing to search for.
They don't look for connection, they already have the one which they desire.
They don't need outside world to validate their emotions.
They have someone who doesn't need words to know of their love.
Their touch is suffice.
May be that's what we all long for.
A touch of comfort.
A touch of love.

Scarred beauty

In love with my scars

Beauty leaves your side,
With age and time
Some fine day or some night
But your scars don't.

That smooth skin
Clear, supple, radiant
flawless covering you have
Makes you more insecure,
Than comfortable on your own
But your scars they don't give a damn about a thing.

They needn't be decorated
Taken care of, stressed over

Their beauty is mystic​
With those rugged and rough edges
Bumpy, irregular surface
Nothing of them follows a rhythm
or any order
They don't care if you notice them
Shower some praise
They give a fuck,
Even when ignored.

They know what they are.
How much strength they behold.
Their capability,
The things they have seen,
The battles they fought
Won and lost
Yet stand brave, undettered..
Ready for more..

The real picture

I try to look for love,
In the most despised eyes.

For they give me what they have,
I realise what they lack.

I try to look for regret,
In the eyes of people who I love.

For they are good at hiding some stuff,
But not all the time.

I try to look for smiles,
On the faces of old and child

For they know the raw life ,
The way its aligned.

I try to look for hope,
In the eyes of the survivors.

For they see their end,
Yet are better at living than us.

I try to look for strength in the specially abled,
Lot different from the stock.

For they no more curse the fate,
Look at things their own way.

I try to look for sadness in the eyes of each one of the above.
And I close my eyes.
As it's overwhelming.

So I try to look for good,
Even though I am going blind.

For if I search for the real picture,
I can't survive.

One in thousand

I remember, not so vividly
Blurred faded memory
Of running from room to room
Announcing to everyone I meet
Of the arrival of my baby sister

I remember, not so vividly
Blurred faded memory
Of me not being the favourite anymore
There's this kid who needed​ the care more
Now I was supposed to be a responsible elder sibling

You were my priced possession
You were the only real doll,
I knew I can call my own
Caring for you was part of my nature
Never felt like a little child, as before

I used to rush to your classroom
As soon as they rung the recess bell
Complete all your notes, before we headed for the lunch
Searched the school frantically,
Among the known and unknown faces
The days I didn't find you on our agreed spot at home bell

The frequent unannounced calls from your class teacher
To help you out with the trivial things
Of all the good and bad days,
Never was I tired of being
Your elder big sister

But as we grew old, we grew apart
Events of our personal life
Took a toll on our bind
I no more knew what you wrote in your books
If you had a single meal in your day or no

I remember not so vividly
Blurred faded memory
Of big fat tears rolling down your cheeks one evening
When you couldn't trace me in the school for few hours
I know you still love me the same

I remember not so vividly
Blurred faded memory
Of a dream I had about my future
That I will find you by my side
Until the very end of my life.

Love you 😘😘

( P.S : Our theme song. ""Ek hazaro mein meri behna hai, Phoollon ka tarroon ka sabka kehna hai " 😜 )

Disgust

There's a war going on,
At the other side of this world
Armies on strike
Thousands losing lives
Millions left alive,
With shattered homes and scarred souls
Children sleeping on empty stomach,
Without a drop down their throat

So many things which are of real concern
But all I do sitting under this star lit sky is think of you
The selfish me..
Or selfless?
As I think from your side too
Listing​ out all my quirks which may be hindering you

Torturing myself with your memories
An army needn't ​ be employed to get me killed​
Thank you, My love will eventually do that for me
As this army never retreats

There are pictures of destruction doing rounds
And all I do is search for quotes,
Write poems on broken hearts and souls
How cursed I am to overlook my blessings!
This routine disgusts me
How small can someone's world be?

Physical pain is easy to endure
You cry for a while
And deal with it anyway
Emotional agony is hard to bear
Crying is what you do all the time
With a smile on your face

Here you are the destroyer
And the destruction
This war never ends
None dies
Yet there is no life left..

Wait

I wait for you
To take me into your arms
And plant a sweet kiss

Or to run into your arms
And hug you tight
The tightest I can
You kiss the tears rolling down my cheek
Place the hair strands​ behind my ear
Look keenly at my face
Give a crooked heartfelt smile
Stare right into my eyes
Close them with your hands
Before whispering into my ear
I open my eyes as you ask me to
Only to see my roof's ceiling fan
Turning round and round
Making a squeaking sound

You are still in my thoughts
I haven't gone insane, not yet
My dream will stay alive
Till I see it with my open eyes..

Mister..

Mister
I don't need you to complete me
I'm no half, no quarter

I'm not your honey bun, nor cutie pie
I come with a pack of wolves
Which howl on a full moon night

I don't believe in forevers
Just make this moment mine
I will be more than fine

I don't want to be a passing phase
Or a thing of rejoice
Stay only if you have love on your mind

I'm looking for heavenly pleasure
Don't ask for my naked skin
Before you decipher my mystic soul

I don't need you to fight my battles
Stay by my side, don't wander
As for my fights, I can very well handle

I'm no perfect, you aren't one either
Let our imperfections mate
Make something uniquely innate

You don't have to write me a sonnet
Nor take a bullet, through your chest
Just hold me when I'm upset
Hold me tighter when I push you away

Mister
I'm not here to complete you
I can just make your journey worthwhile
To have me, is all your choice

Let go..

Life mocks at me
As I cry
It laughs at me

Life challenges me
As I complete one
It comes up with a lot shrewd one

Life ignores me
As I try out ways to feel alive
It appears like draging a log along

Life resents me
As I lay whole day on my bed
It tries hard to move a muscle, all in vain

Life embarrases me
As I try to make my presence felt
It makes a fool out of me

Life nourishes me
As I endeavour​ its many facets
It brings out a matured me

Life ditches me
As get in a mood of craze and fun
It flops each of what planned

Life excites me
As I get enlightened​ by some of its​ wonders
It saves up innumerable ones to relish

Life loves me
As I try different ways to get rid of it
It holds on to me, refusing to let go..

Marathon

I look for no love
I look for no assurance
I look for what
I'm unaware

No lyrics
No music
No intoxication
Bring comfort

No clue
No apprehension
I am waiting for a ship
At bus station

You can drug me
Try and make me numb
Yet my thoughts
They'll stay wide awake

No kisses can sweeten up
No hugs can fix
My soul is too sour
Too broken to be repaired​

My stomach is on fire
My heart unrest
My insides churn
My brain in a marathon race

And I run, run, run
In this mad race
With no destiny to reach
No good no bad to preach

Feast

I don't write for you
I don't write for me
I write for the demons
Who need to be put to sleep

They eat on my thoughts
Rip apart my memories
Drink up all my emotions
Yet turn up each night, thirsty

Nothing distracts them
They are all time ready
To feast on me
And make merry

Timed forever

People come, people go
You never know who stay
And who don't.
They bring you happiness,
Leave you in tears.
Promise you the moon,
Gift you burns from the Sun.
Their forevers are timed,
For few moods, for few seasons.
You mean the world to them,
A world that constantly changes.
You being stupid,
Will again play a joker.
Fall in their trap,
Knowing the bitter closure.
So..
People will come, people will go
You don't deter.
The one who deserves you,
Will make their mark anew..

Weigh me down

Taste of loneliness

Nights

Night lover I was
But now darkness kills

The moon, the stars, the silence
Drench me in your memories

The questions that start arising
Are too much for my heart to hold

The same gets played in my brain
On a loop, with no rest

I gave you everything
All you did was resent

Am I in a state of denial?
Of self I don't care?

This pain I'm presenting to myself
Something I have already excess

Somedays I forget you, I live
Suddenly you appear, I die again

I'm used to your silence
Still I get fooled and wait for your answers

I have started looking upto the dawn
To let the life in me stay alive

Nights used to bring solace
Now they only create a havoc

Heaven on Earth

Kashmir
I haven't been there
Heard it is heaven on earth
Lover's paradise

Can people of such beautiful place
Have an ugly heart?
Or is it a scarred one?
Being exploited
For momentary survival
Risking their future
To see the present

Who doesn't want peace
In their homeland
Who bombards their own backyard?
Why are they helpless?
Is it really religion?
Or some ugly power play

Man killing other man
To rule over the left
Will his heart be unruffled?
Calm and pious
To look at his empire
Built on the corpse's rubble

Melody

Wish

He - Man

He gave up the ice-creams, his favourites
As his sister wasn't to be spoiled with sweets

He helped his mom daily in cooking
Was the only way he could lessen her pain after being hit by his alcoholic father

He went no where near the drinks on the new year's​ eve
Promised to drop his female friends safely at home after the party

He gave up his seat , running a temperature of 102°
He couldn't discomfort the pregnant lady

He lost his right eye's vision
Did his best to save the unknown girl from getting molested by the goons

He slept out on the couch, though each of his body part ached
He wanted to make his wife's friends comfortable, who made a surprise visit

He dropped her school everday, then headed to his office at the opposite end of the city
He didn't want any interruption in his daughter's studies

He didn't kiss his wife of ten years
She deserved her own time to heal from her past abusive relationship

The old man forced himself to get up early every morning
He didn't want his wife from stopping his grand daughters from attending the sport's practice

( P. S  - Don't let the good in many get overshadowed by the negatives of few )

Dark secrets

I still can't see you in pain
I get disturbed when you are not the same

Things you are going through
I've already been there

This pain had become my part
But you were unaware

Strangers sharing their​ dark secrets
Wasn't sure such thing existed until this day

You try hard to hide your feelings now
Even I unlook the things which are obvious

Love doesn't survive when it isn't valued
Taking for granted was the last thing you could​ do

We can't turn back again
Our paths have diverged long ago

New people have joined our journey
We can't put their feelings at stake

Still I can't see you in pain
A part of me breaks, every time I realise you and me are not the same

I wish to share these thoughts with you
But I will not, as I don't want to let you know, I still think of you

Sweeter than sweetest

I'm not a poet nor this a poem
But you my darling!
Are my latest muse
Following lines are only to comfort my aching heart, but not to impress you :-P

Your eyes
Not the best ones I have seen
But the way they look at me
Never felt so special before

Your​ nose
You count it amongst your assets
I find it no great
But fun to play with :-P

Your smile
You spend it like a miser
But the one which comes, when you no longer care about this world
It's the most innocent expression of love I have ever seen

Your hands
Smaller than mine
Cute little ones
I don't wanna let them go anytime

Your hug
It's the safest haven on this land
My escape, my retreat
My best place to die in peace

I'm not a poet nor this a poem
But you my darling!
Can be anyone's muse
Everything and anything written on you
Will be no less a melody
Sweeter than any of the sweetest poems
Ever and to be written

Hopeless Lover

And I fall in love again
Head over heels, umpteenth time
As irresistibly desirable you happen to be
I lose my senses when you are around

You turn up every single night
Sweet, everlasting love you bring along
And put a smile on this face
You steal the light
Bathe me in your love rays
People say you have scars many
Pity them, they can't look beyond the veil

You are my peace, my serenity
You change phases, so do I
Though a part of us always stays along
You calm and soothe my burning soul
Silence my mind
Fill my heart with outpouring love

You are my sweet nothings
I have met you in my dreams several times
Darting the unmeasurable distance that's in between
There's magic when we meet
With the mad love in the air
I kiss you​ good night
And you put me to sleep

I believe in miracles
And you top my list
Will I ever be able to stop loving you?
Not in this life it appears to be..

Slow Poison

And I forgive you
Not sure if you feel sorry or no
But I deserve peace

Love does no harm
People do
I don't want to be the one among few

Stay happy, vibrant
Keep no guilt
No regret

Our paths will cross again I know
Give a smile
Don't turn a blind eye

You gave me too many things to grumble
Illusion of a happy home
I was ready to accompany you even to the woods

Each of it has vanished into thin air
Your words were too hollow
To survive the time course

Your love is acting like a slow poison now
Hindering the new love and happiness
Which are trying to push their way along

I'm unable to make fresh memories
Being stuck with the old rustic ones
Existence of which you don't reckon

So this little help I'm doing to myself
Forgiving you
For things you did and were never sorry for..

Garnish on an Exotic Dish

You said you can die for me, but not live
Being aware you are my life

You call me a emotional fool
In your logic I'm difficult to fit

My love is dangerous you say
Suffocates you and me the same

I kill jokes you complain
When I can't laugh at something that nudges my conscience

You try to improve my being you defend
Ignoring the person I already am

My interests bore you, too mediocre they appear
All the innovations happen in your brain

Physical energy binds love you say
Rubbishing the fact that emotions form the base

Love is just a small part in your life
Like a garnish on an exotic dish

It wasn't an unrequited love,  you always had me
Strange though I wasn't your need

Your life is already complete you say
Am just a supporting artist, required here and there

You were right about being born ahead of your time
As you are perfect to be a robot, than a man

Month or two you need
To brush me off like an​ unwanted memory

Do you acknowledge what real love is?
Or you just pretend to know

I breathe in love
It flows through my veins

But your love has turned me bitter
I no longer believe in forevers

I'm not a negative soul
Hurling abuses at anyone, let alone be you

I have to answer my own questions
As for you this will never make any sense

Am here to empty my feelings
So they stop killing me, if not now some fine day

And I just wait here
Until that day arrives and brings back my smile

Fills me up with the old love
Helps me survive..

Cold

I want to let it out
Until I feel no more

Not a cinch for you
Flush you out of my system
From my each cell

No call, no message
Why should  always I initiate
When you hardly care

Putting me through all this
Must give you some relish insane
Else all this pain is of no avail

Bother to know if I'm dead or alive
I'm no more the same girl realise

Who was ready to hurt herself
For your momentary attention
All that despair has been put to rest

Huh! I still do wait
Tiniest of the tiny good thing you did
I recollect and appreciate

To fool my mind again
You aren't as cold as you radiate

No more
Will I let you feed on my weakness

Love has been my strength
Will always be
But not the one shared with a coward, that you happen to be..

Of the Ice, Fire, Valley and Sea

Put me on an ice block
Let it numb the pain
Romanticized a frozen heart
This will be my new solace

Put me on a pyre
With already blazing desires
Let this mind cool down
As the log turns to ash

Let me dive down a valley
My spirit be left free
Invisible wings may span out
Saving the little life that strived on

Let me get washed away by the waves
Take me to their Kingdom,  Seabed
I'll be the Queen of hearts for a while
Since it's depth will match mine

Coccoon

Don't ask me how I'm doing
Don't wake up the monster, I have just put to sleep
It's just a question, start of a formal conversation.
The answer of which may linger with you for a moment or two
Being whisked into air in a go.

Within me, it unleashes a silent storm
Ready to cause some new destruction
Eating away the left over bits
Like a hovering vulture, prying all along
Leaving my wounds again raw and sore
With a half dead soul

Don't ask for my real smile
Let the fake one stay
As the real one can't survive in this town
Dying a brutal death
Better buried alive than dead

Don't ask if my eyes hide any pain
'Cause it's my new treasured possession
With a promised long stay
May be they are just the way they are supposed to be
After all those tears
Some being waterfalls, few drizzle
Left now as sand dunes of a desert

Let the new me exist
Who is happy in her own coccoon
Keeping the outside world's​ interaction
Least and minimum
Neither causing trouble nor inviting any

Please, don't ask me how I'm doing
As always, I have to say I'm good
Which isn't true, no more.

Treasure

Life is a mess
So be it
Who said orderliness is bliss?
Why do we wait for things to get sorted?
Are we used to waiting?
Waiting for perfect time
Perfect person
Perfect place
Perfect moment

What if perfection is myth?
Is anything perfect in this universe?
Anything at all?
These little sweet moments of happiness
May be is the treasure
We are looking for all along
They lie just below our nose
Go unnoticed, unappreciated
Simple joys, the silly ones
Where you jump like a child
Go insane like a psyc

Why are we eager to get settled?
Dream of life getting completely stable
Why is it the mind always focussed on a distant vision?
Or keeps looking in the rear view mirror
Frequently reading the precaution
That objects are more near than they appear
How can the future satisfy anyone?
If we are unhappy with the present
Knowing this very future is going to be the next present

Weed

The feel of air on my face
Life dives in by breaths
The electric swaying
Of the flower and weeds
Has anyone seen the beauty of a weed?
Or always stuck with a flower
Appears spiky, more softer than a petal
Look close
It holds a world inside
May be a galaxy
With many renegades
Like you and me

The mushy Sea
Calm and serene
Does it know that it never ends?
That it is made up of many waves?
The Sun tries to steal it away
Drop by drop
But not for long
Each droplet comes back to its beau
Through thunder storms and riverlets

Does music know how it sounds?
Its variations
Permutations and combinations
Is it arrogant or egoistic?
For being majorities company
During solitude, during mess
Its wild emotional play
To it how this mortal body sway
How it gets beautiful
As the different ends join
How unique it is
Even with a single play
How loud
How soothing
With the lullabies and the growling

The nights
Do they realize their existence ?
Do they love the stars ?
And miss the moon just before the dawn
Or do they just die everyday
To make its beloved day
Breathe in the Sun's rays

Do the other wonders feel bad ?
That I still don't know if they exist ?
Do they wait to be discovered ?
Share a new experience
Amaze me
With the magic they behold
To enrich my life some more..

Blind

Earlier there was love and pain
More love, less pain on good days
Less love, more pain on few days
Now you give me only pain
For which I still cry in vain

You make me wonder if love really is blind?
I thought you were compassionate and kind
Was this part of you always there hiding behind?
Huh! Never mind.

Mind the mind

Why am I stuck
Stuck so bad
Bad, as I have ever known
Known to few , for many unknown
Unknown, yet it pins me down
Down, down ,down

My mind is rust
Rust,  as correded it can get
Get me peace
Peace of mind at the least
Least for a second
Second is too long
Long enough
Enough to take my distress away

My head is pressed
Pressed with chains
Chains that smother
Smother the life out
Out of everything
Everything and anything
Anything that ever made me smile

Smile that refuses to come back
Back to this old face
Face that has become weary
Weary of this life
Life which turned out to be just a word
Word with no sense

Birds on my arm
Arm with wings
Wings which refuse to fly
Fly, take me high
High up above
Above this very thing
Thing that sucks out my dreams

Dreams with a mind play
Play with my emotions
Emotions, giving me nightmares
Nightmares which are routine
Routine since long years

Years where I have to search
Search for happiness
Happiness which was rare
Rare , precious, scarce 
Scarce, being turned to less
Less, less, less

Someone's own

Who doesn't want to be loved
In this whole wide world
To listen to the love yous
And feel the miss you

Who doesn't want to
Be pulled a little closer
Feel their hand on your waist
Grazing your back
Their touch
Piercing through everything that rests
Sweet chill runs down your spine

Who doesn't want to
Experience heaven on earth 
Love, with a pint of lust combined
Lips which refuse to part
Come back again
Each time wanting some more

Who doesn't want to
Be hugged tightly
Feel a bliss with their arms encasing you
The warmth that spreads
Putting your head on their chest
Can any other place on this world
Make you feel so safe

Who doesn't want to
Be called someone's own
The fingers always intertwined
Refuse to forego their touch
Their pheromones
Make you insane
The sense of wanting refuse to die

Who doesn't want to
Let their imagination go wild
Dream about the days and night
Wait for the magic to occur
Underneath the covers
Behind the blinds

Who doesn't want to be loved
To be pulled a little more closer
To feel those wet lips pressed against yours
Hands tracing your curves
To be lost in their arms
Never to be find

( P. S.  Who can ever say no to love!?)

Cheers!!

No fault in my stars ;)

Few love stories can't be put in words
Our love is such
You come up every night
Twinkling all the way
Burn out
Provide warmth
Light up my life
Hide behind the clouds
And play games
Never judge
Watch me laugh, seen my tears
Dancing my way through
Pain, intoxication
In pure amuse
Under you
Tossed for sleep
Acted like steam engine
Stick by me
Any place I go
Cheer me up
When I'm in guilt
In loss of words
My safe haven
My escape
You remind me of good times
Tear me apart
Then during the bad phase
I find only you around
Don't leave my side
Just like others
When you are tired of watching me from up there
Send a hint
I'll join your space
Loads of love

Drunk

You entered his life before I did
His first love, his fantasy

Present during his good times
And a must during bad ones

You coax him down
Make him insanely sane

Lessen all his burden
Give him invisible wings

Take him on rides
The fun ones with his friends, some long and lonely ones

You make his other relations strong
But end up reminding me, even if it hurts

He needs you more
Than he needs me

You comfort him more
Than I can ever able be

So I wonder if I'm wanted
Should I leave him all to you

You can take care of him
As you always did

Make him more happy
Slowly eat away his health, your nature it is

He prefers you over me though
So keep him for yourself, I have no interest

You have many lovers I know
A small request though

Do treat him special
As unlike you, he is my only love

Task ahead

My happiness
Is my business

Not somebody else's
My alone

No day dreaming
An obvious truth

Prince charming isn't of any help
Nor any holy saint

Any shrine or tomb
Both useless as anything can get

Prayers can't rescue
Nor the decreasing number of curses

If I cry
Blame me

If I'm anxious
Again it's me

Call me selfish
Or self obsessed

Ain't sensible
To loose it for anyone

Including someone who boasts to love me
or may be anyone I hardly care

The curves of my body don't effect it
Not even the scars that scare

It's a journey
With highs and low

Few join in, make it many fold
Few are eager to snatch it away

But who cares
As long as i have no wrinkled forehead

This is the only way out
For a peaceful escape

To stay happy
Is my business
My task
My headache
At which I have to excel

Cheers!

Stay

Stay
I may push you away
Without giving you a reason
Not listening to anything you say
But please, stay

I may get on your nerves
Make you mad
Test your patience
But please don't go away

I may hurt you
Or curse myself more
My mood swings may take you on a ride
But please don't leave

I may want seclusion
Solitude, with no company
May treat you as stranger at times
But you and I  aren't no longer different souls

I don't know if I'm lucky or it's you
Let it be anyway
Or any no way
But all that I want is you

Bear up with my quirks
Idiocies, foolishness
Or childishness as you say
But never leave me and go away

I'm yours
All yours
More than I belong to myself
I love you
More than I have ever loved my own self

So
Stay
Please don't go away
Never leave
You love me the same way
It's more true than a lie I believe
Miss you

Devoured by love

I have been broken
Broken for long
Too long

I have been a mess
Since the day I remember
As far as I can recall

I am not easy to love
Difficult to make sense of
Impossible to predict

I bring along with me the thunders and cyclones
I'm the desert and the mirage
Scorching sun and the warmth of the moon

I can't promise you a fairytale
No where close to it,
But you will have demons to fight

Demons residing in my past
Demons of my mind and soul
You'll have to conquer them all

You'll be hurt, burnt and bruised
Loved in a way you can never imagine
Nothing will match your expectations

So my darling!
It's your call
To stick or to move on

Make your way through petals
Or take me in
With the thorns I adorn

Mystic

People let you down, 

they do.

You do the same,

too.

So stop blaming others,

including yourself.

Stay happy,

more than sad.

Smile often,

than hesitate.

Respect others,

but never let them put you low .

Be considerate,

yet don't lose self.

Stop burning,

to comfort others.

Love passionately,

settle for nothing less.

Cheers!!

Memories

Memories rip you apart
Bares your chest open,
Stabs everywhere.
Makes your stomach sore,
Heart wrench,
And your soul naked.
Knocks you down.
Hits you again and again.
Until you gasp for breath.
Each of your cell cries in pain
Begs for mercy.
To let you free.
Or kill at one go.
All your tears dry up
After countless hours of sobbing.
And you move about faking smiles.
Making others feel comfortable.

Different end!

Few relationships
Which you expected to last,
A life time.
To end with your last breath,
To still live on with your soul.
Beyond the measure of time,
Life and death.

When such a relation falls apart,
With no hopes of better tomorrow.
Where you will be left only with your memories,
And you'll have none to blame.
But to accept it and make a move.
It's neither the destiny nor the fate.

Only human.
We, fucked up humans.
With a mess of emotions,
Never ending desires.

But will you dare to take another chance?
Give love one more try?
Will you stop believing in forevers?
Or stupidly wish for a different end?

You live once.
Love once.
Die innumerable times.

Drugged.

A moment is all we had,
and a moment is all that ever mattered.

The past, the future
made sense no more.

I had an entire galaxy within my reach.
All that I ever dreamt of,
Things even beyond my imagination.

There was a magic everywhere.
Best kind of trance.

You drugged me,
And you were the drug.
That made me so high.
Even LSD can be put to shame.

Your intense face.
My dreamy eyes.

Which world were we in?
Were we two humans, or
Demon-Love Gods?

The moment.
A moment, just a moment.
You were all I had.

Never before I felt so rich.
The past was insignificant.
Future didn't scare.

Cause that moment,
Meant worth a million lifetimes.

A moment.
My eyes looking into yours.
I saw stars, galaxies, moon ,the sea
All in one frame.

No boundaries to limit.
No expectations to disappoint.

Beauty so pure.
Love so intense.

Passion running wild.
Drunk on heavenly pleasure.

let it be...

at some point

you make a start

finally,

you make a new start

the chains pulling you back

go invisible

dissolve into oblivion

years of guilt

years of pain

feeling of unworthiness

feeling of regret

finally,

make their way out

never to show up again

fresh breeze of air

caresses your  face

filling up the lungs

lighting up each of your cell

liberating your soul

no compulsions

no compromise

no fear

no sacrifice

new choices

new definitions

new ambitions

new reasons to smile

one life,

one single life

is all that you have got

past, may have had made you

but future is yours to shape

grasp hold of the present

stick to your roots

grow into the soil

flap your wings

dare to reach out for the sky