don't

I don't regret loving you

I shouldn't

but I did

may be I will continue

at times, 

when I have none to blame

but self

when no one's around

to feel that I'm human,

so to err is being me

that moment, 

when I'm all by myself,

none to comfort

I will blame you

for the way things turned out

blaming you for not loving enough

for letting me go,

without any tinge of pain

nor hint of discomfort.

I will blame you for being heartless

for thinking of only self

I will blame you,

for things we did together

for each and every moment

where we shed tears of joy

and of pain 

in each other's embrace

I will blame you 

for every memory I have of you

I'll blame you for loving me

for encountering me in this life

I will blame you 

for everything 

and anything I can imagine about

but the pain 

of the hurt you gave, 

still stays the same

I still keep a hold on that love,

which no longer exists

I'll regret meeting you

knowing well 

most of me today, 

is the result of the bond we shared

knowing you will

occupy a space in my heart 

until my last breath

I can't substitute that,

nor replace

with anyone or anything.

but for my heart to go on

for me to still count my breaths

I'll regret loving you

on days when it's too much 

for me to bear this pain alone

blaming you will lessen the load..

Disco

Do I need the disco lights
Of different colours
To let my hair loose,
for them to go any direction they choose

Do I need a sound system
For the music to play
To sway my body,
to the rhythm of my soul

Do I need a crazy crowd
None of them who I know
To share my high,
what's it like to feel alive

Will I be an eccentric
If I happen do all of this..
In my cozy room
With the playlist on my phone
In my own company
And enjoying every bit of it..

I don't really care!!

Reasoned love ( may be )

May be our love wasn't enough
To keep us together any long
May be I loved you for different reasons,
Reasons diverse from yours

May be we both were again looking for new reasons
To stay in love
To keep loving
And may be love is the last emotion to be reasoned with

There's no sanity in the things the heart desires,
No explanation for the emotions it feels
And may be when we put our brain into use
For choosing a person to love
The love just fades away
Along with the significance of that reason

It was a decision, a wise one
We thought we were best for each other
As we were too lazy to keep waiting for our instincts to work
Too impatient, too clever ,
To fall in love without any reason

We both had our own excuses in reasoning love
But with or without any reason
The thing we had wasn't some play or spoof
Emotions were involved
A lot of them

Nevertheless our reasoning failed
And our reasoned love was put to an end ,
Acting on the advice of our wise old brain
Mind over matter we chose

Alas!  Our heart is stupid though
When it breaks, it breaks the same
For the love reasoned and the unreasoned
And no amount of reasoning ever comforts a broken heart..

Long distance

I don't want to sulk because you are not with me but with your friends right now.

In some party, some restaurant.

Holding a glass in one hand.

With an occasional smile on your face.

And your eyes searching the place.

For any couples here and there.

A guy with his girl.

His hand over her waist.

Providing extra warmth on a chilly night.

Just maintaining the distance appropriate for the place.

His eyes looking drunk.

Drunk on love , hardly the beer.

They steal a kiss when no eyes are on them.

But you do catch that moment.

Your smile broadens .

And the pain in your chest intensifies.

Alcohol comes next to love, to get you intoxicated.

And you are missing out on that.

Another refill doesn't help.

You have to be content with it, nevertheless . :-P

Breathe..

Breathe..

That air stuck in your pipes
Take in
Remind yourself
Breathe
Even if it hurts
Hurts till your core
Till your bone..

Calamity

If you knew what goes on in my head
If you could hear my thoughts
You'll never come close
No where near
Love will be the last thing on your mind

I wasn't made to be loved, may be
Only to love
And dare not expect it in return
Love, knowing my darkness will consume all the light there is
Knowing the serene calm I bring in your life
Is nothing but the deafening silence before the storm

I'm not here for me
I'm here for what, I'm not sure
But it isn't about what I dream or what I wish
What I want, what I long

I'll leave someday
Sooner or later
Leaving nothing behind
And my dear
If you don't stop loving me now
After knowing everything
You have chosen the worst way of self destruction I must warn

I love you
And can't be the reason of all your calamities
Lovers don't do that, not willingly, If I'm not wrong
What good will my love be
If I can't sheild you from the dark things
And the darkest place being within me.

21st August

( P. S  I don't even have the track of right calendar dates . Huh )